Jealousy is also not uncommon among children. Jealousy is particularly common among siblings, leaving parents wondering how best to resolve this unpleasant situation. It is important that mom and dad mediate and intervene in good time before the jealousy escalates.

Jealousy in children: Don't give envy of siblings a chance

"Why can't I go with you? That's so mean!" yells little sister Maja and hits her mother's hip with her little fists. She wants to go shopping with her big brother Felix shopping for toys and Maja is supposed to stay with the neighbors until then. Maja is normally reluctant to go into a store, but she is not at all happy about her brother going shopping alone with her mother. She is afraid that Felix will get more wishes fulfilled and she herself will fall by the wayside. Maja is already very jealous at the age of 4.

Jealousy and envy are often the case, especially between siblings

Anger is mixed with sadness and fear

Jealousy is not just a feeling, it is a mixture of anger, sadness and fear. If a small child is jealous of its siblings, it competes for the love and affection of its parents. Unlike situations where only one of two people is jealous (such as in a relationship), there are usually at least three people involved when jealousy arises in children - the jealous offspring themselves, the loved one (parents) and a rival (usually a brother or sister). Especially when siblings are almost the same age, they often see each other as rivals who have to vie for the favor of their beloved parents. This is further intensified in the case of siblings of the same sex. If, on the other hand, there is a relatively large age difference between the children, they will each seek attention in a different way: While the little one wants to cuddle in the morning, the older one wants to argue extensively in the afternoon.

Jealousy makes children aggressive and sad

Why do some children quickly feel disadvantaged?

Every child has different characteristics and therefore triggers different reactions in their parents. While anxious toddlers need to be encouraged, parents should put the brakes on courageous children if necessary. As soon as the little ones realize that their parents treat their brother or sister differently, it is not uncommon for them to feel disadvantaged. In toddlers in particular, jealousy can then manifest itself in aggressive behavior. It is important to be very careful here: If parents punish the toddler for the unwanted behavior, the feeling of being constantly disadvantaged grows even more.

When toddlers are jealous: What can parents do?

A toddler will always have one or two defiant phases. Many parents therefore make the mistake of not taking their offspring's feelings of jealousy seriously. However, envy and the feeling of being disadvantaged have nothing to do with a defiant phase and should therefore be questioned.

Be there for all your children equally!

If children are envious, parents must not dismiss this out of hand. It is important to question the reasons for the envy. Have the parents perhaps had a nerve-wracking time where the offspring often had to take a back seat? Were mom and dad too short-tempered and was the sibling actually given more attention? Then it is important that the jealous child learns the exact reasons for this. They need to understand that it has nothing to do with the parents loving or appreciating the sibling more.

No comparisons

"Your sister's room looks so tidy. Why is yours always untidy?" Parents should avoid phrases of this kind at all costs, as they not only trigger jealousy in children, but also harbor great potential for rivalry between siblings. Parents should never use the behaviour of siblings as a means of exerting pressure in the event of criticism or a request.

Together instead of individually

Young children should never have to subordinate themselves to their siblings - whether older or younger. Instead of the older offspring constantly being told to look after their little brother, both can look after each other. Every child's opinion and position should be taken seriously and accepted, as this is the only way parents can find a suitable solution together with their offspring.

When should parents intervene in conflicts?

If jealousy in children leads to disputes between siblings, parents should remain as neutral as possible and not get involved. Particularly if it is not clear which offspring caused the dispute, the mother or father should only act as a mediator in such conflict situations. Disputes will occur more frequently, especially as children get older. Toys are particularly often the source of heated disputes, in which the parents usually have to make fair judgments as arbitrators.

Toy envy is a common cause of jealousy

Unfortunately, fair decisions are hardly possible in such situations. In addition, children do not learn to resolve conflicts themselves. Parents should therefore only encourage their children to find a solution without anticipating it. Even if the eternal bickering is nerve-wracking, parents can always remind themselves that arguments contribute to the development of children's personalities. As everyone tries to defend their point of view with their own strategies, identity is strengthened.

Conclusion on reasons and reactions

There can be many reasons for jealousy in children. It is important that parents take such feelings seriously and react accordingly. It is important to consider the reasons for sibling rivalry. In general, comparisons should never be made between children. Equality also plays a decisive role here.